(melodramatic title goes here)

...she's cute why don't you ask her?
ask her what?
...to go out.
yeah right.
....why?
because.
...because why? She keeps looking at you.
because it would never work out.
...why?
because it just would not, OK?
...you just say 'hey, I was wondering if you wanna get some coffee'
it's not that.
...than what?
forget it. How is your soup?
...Oh I see you don't like her.
No. She is very pretty.
...Then?
Because, she would not be interested in me, what I am.
...how do you know?
I just do, ok?

Hopeless: adj; without hope because there seems to be no possibility of comfort or success.

I just watched the movie Thirteen. My chest hurts and I'm wondering if doing amphetamine on top of Ativan could technically be called a speedball. It got me though work and also got me through most of the day without eating.

I love it when my cat contemplatively sits on my bathroom countertop watching me with interest when I wash my face and brush my teeth at night. Its the best part of my day because for a few minutes I'm don't feel so strange or alone because looking at her i realize were both strange and alone.

Yesterday I txt'd my ex of 4 years to wish her a happy birthday. She txt'd back "Im 25 and just got married!"

We have been broken up for a few years but it really hit me hard. She txt's me sometimes to tell me random stuff and I never even knew or was invited to the wedding.

Barking dogs, loud neighboors, motorcycle guy with death wish, and about 10 police and fire sirens last night between 10 and 3am. I was awake still trying to come down off some Rx'd speed. Cross-faded at work all day.